He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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