i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
