You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
