"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
