Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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