VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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