Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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