Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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