no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
smell my finger.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
