ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
