i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
