I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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