He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
