I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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