if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
