The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize