ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
