Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
