at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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