Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
