We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
