He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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