I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
