weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
