I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
