Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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