I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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