I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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