And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
