He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
