At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
