dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
