I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Fuck appropriateness.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize