this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
