I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
