we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i was born a porn star she said
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
