White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store