Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.