You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
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we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
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You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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