You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
