i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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