i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
