you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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