hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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