A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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