I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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