i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
