i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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