Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
