Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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