I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
