I am puke
I can text with my tongue
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
