dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
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