So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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