What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
God I need to hump something, right now.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
