Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
