they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
