p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
