You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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