Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
