Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
