There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
