I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Semen is not good for contacts.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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